Temporary closure on porthole.goobnet.net | nice one dumbass
We are suspending updates on porthole.goobnet.net for the time being. This site will be resumed at a later date pending an internal review of how best to make use of our resources.
To see snarky, poorly written comments about what is going on in the world, please ensure that you continue to view the Weekly Whines on GoobNet.
0 comments | SUN 16 DEC 2007 – 22:12:01 UTC
Let’s see the first number in the price of the helicopter | about goddam time
“If they don’t want us driving cars, then just ban them. But if it’s all right to drive, could we please drive them, rather than simply sitting in them attempting to amuse ourselves in between stoplights.”
The CBC’s Georgie Binks has come up with a revolutionary new idea to help move traffic along: listen to the experts.
view the item » | 0 comments | MON 05 NOV 2007 – 00:31:02 UTC
Sorry, we thought you were talking about Fred and Kim Kagan | that bitch rocks
“They snapped up all the flyers after the talk, so we’ve obviously got some cranky men with cranky wives out there who want some help.”
Tammy Farrell has been trying to help Australian miners with their marital lives, by which she means their sex lives. And we mean to go over to Edvard for the joke.
Oh, coal miners. – Edvard
view the item » | 0 comments | SAT 27 OCT 2007 – 19:04:37 UTC
The Times Square of the West | nice one dumbass
“It’s another example of the return of real life to downtown Los Angeles, a place that was stripped of its real life.”
DJ Waldie, let’s let you in on a little secret. Billion dollar developments that feature absurdly ostentatious theatres with needlessly large stages that price out the very people they’re trying to attract are not real life.
view the item » | 0 comments | SAT 27 OCT 2007 – 18:53:47 UTC
The wrath of Pacdude | that bitch rocks
“11:25 AM: Sir, be a man and spin the wheel like a man. He’s a big guy, and he needs a do-over spin? I’m disappointed.”
Cory Anotado, best known as Pacdude, critiqued a player’s spinning abilities during a guest appearance over at Buzzerblog for Drew Carey’s first aired episode of The Price is Right. Now all we need to do is rig the television set to display Cory’s remarks, Pop Up Video style, during the programme.
view the item » | 0 comments | MON 22 OCT 2007 – 02:00:59 UTC
Welcome to St Steve’s Hospital for Consumers Who Haven’t Given Apple Enough Money | about goddam time
“It’s like someone you are married to. You hold them to a higher standard of morality than a random stranger on the street.”
Wil Shipley, owner of 19 iPhones, has just made the mistake of holding a for-profit corporation to a standard of morality.
view the item » | 0 comments | SUN 14 OCT 2007 – 18:40:21 UTC
The other prevailing theme was malts being spilled all over jukeboxes at hops | that bitch rocks
“David Hoffman has just finished directing a Sputnik documentary, where fear is a prevailing theme. ‘I can’t think of a time where we were that afraid, even at Pearl Harbor, even at 9/11,’ he said. ‘This was a frightening time.’”
At the time of Sputnik’s launch, the US was a very different place. Students were obsessed with clothing and social activities, adults were obsessed with television, and the general populace was becoming complacent with a perceived technological advantage.
view the item » | 0 comments | SUN 30 SEP 2007 – 17:29:23 UTC
Hey you! If you don’t stop polluting, I’ll do nothing! Do you really want that? | that bitch rocks
“I don’t think that anyone believes that the next president – whether Republican or Democrat – will follow Bush’s lead on climate.”
Nicholas Eisenberger of Green Order, we would like to notify you that the next president cannot follow Bush’s lead on climate, because you can’t follow leadership that doesn’t exist.
view the item » | 0 comments | SUN 30 SEP 2007 – 17:15:11 UTC
Just spare us the puns about Nadine Angerer’s temper | nice one dumbass
“Both Germany and USA had qualified from the group phase amid suggestions from some quarters that they were not the all-conquering forces of before – yes, even after the world champions’ 11-0 opening match demolition of Argentina – but over the course of 180 minutes a big broom arrived to sweep those doubts aside.”
Listen, FIFA.com. We know you like to portray yourself as the thinking football fan’s site. Putting aside the question as to whether that’s oxymoronic, we have a little request. Would you, by any chance, be able to tone down the preposterous metaphors? Really, calling a pair of quarterfinal matches a “big broom”?
view the item » | 0 comments | SUN 23 SEP 2007 – 16:57:54 UTC
Yeah, but the roaming charges! | whoop dee shit
“Midfielder Colette McCallum revealed after the match that the team had spent five minutes before the match debating the merits of the shoe-phone celebration against a kangaroo-hop. Coach Tom Sermanni’s reaction to this news? ‘They’ve got too much time on their hands.’”
Hello? Karen Smith? Hi! How are you? Yeah! I know! It’s bloody stupid how much of a ruckus they’re making about it! Well, I gotta go. They’re about to kick off. Hope you score another on Friday! Bye!
view the item » | 0 comments | SAT 15 SEP 2007 – 08:05:02 UTC
Of course, with a name like RCA Nineteen Inch Flat Panel Girishek, the kids at school were merciless | what the fuck
“Sergei Morozov wants couples to take the day off work to have sex. If a baby is born on national day, they will receive cars, TVs, or other prizes.”
Welcome back to The Result of Afternoon Delight! Yevgeny, your wife Ana has 45 minutes left to deliver your first child. But Ana, if you... Ana, look at me. Focus. If you deliver your little bundle of joy in fifteen minutes, we’ll give you not just that television set, but I’ll throw in these plane tickets. To where, Andriy?
view the item » | 0 comments | SAT 15 SEP 2007 – 07:58:48 UTC
Coming soon: Sorority House Musical | whoop dee shit
“Fans yesterday lashed out at the mystery person who leaked the photograph. ‘I’m so so so so sorry about what happened I can’t believe someone would do that to you it’s just wrong,’ one wrote.”
There is a nude photograph of actress Vanessa Hudgens circulating on the Internet, and people on Myspace are expressing their support, in their own weird way. And whenever there’s a scandal involving the words actress, photograph, nude, and of, you know what we have to do: go over to Edvard for the joke.
Here’s the comment I left on her Myspace page: “ZOMG ur nekkid LOL!!!!!”. – Edvard
view the item » | 0 comments | SUN 09 SEP 2007 – 21:03:21 UTC
Private fuckups, public fuckovers | about goddam time
“Fifty years ago, economist John Kenneth Galbraith coined the phrase “private affluence, public squalor” to explain the paradox of the world’s richest country failing to invest in public rather than private goods. The plight of New Orleans would have provided him with a rich example of this phenomenon.”
The BBC’s Steve Schifferes asks why the US can’t do anything for the hundreds of thousands in New Orleans who are still trying to put their lives back together.
Other than have one of them on Power of 10, of course.
view the item » | 0 comments | SAT 01 SEP 2007 – 19:39:20 UTC
With Dennis Miller as Mr Sarcastic | that bitch rocks
“Basically, Ken Jennings is like Superman: a sunny, Eagle-Scout supercerebrum with natural gifts far above those of mortal men. I, however, am mortal: an envious, scheming, hubris-inflated mortal who exploits science any way possible to augment my mediocre abilities in order to conquer the invincible. My arrogant reaching for the higher powers can only be successful through tricks and ruses, or clandestine cortical kryptonite. My ungracious fanatacism contrasts with the cheerful, self-effacing relaxed authority of the Mind of Steel.”
Ogi Ogas, competitor on the US edition of Grand Slam, has been deconstructing his appearances over on Buzzerblog, and it is mandatory reading. It must be asked, though: If Ken Jennings is Superman and Ogi Ogas is Lex Luthor, who are David Legler and Michelle Kitt?
view the item » | 0 comments | TUE 28 AUG 2007 – 03:25:45 UTC
I’ve allocated US$100,000,000 to give everyone in the area a hug | what a bastard
“President Bush will be here for his now annual photo-op, and hopefully he will take questions from the media instead of pretending that he really cares. Meantime, New Orleans might now have destroyed houses, but it will always remember the lack of home provided by the Bush administration.”
So why don’t the people of New Orleans want George W Bush to pretend that he cares? After all, that’s what he’s best at.
[Editor: Don’t you mean “That’s the only thing he’s even remotely good at“?]
Yeah, that’s true.
view the item » | 0 comments | SUN 26 AUG 2007 – 22:23:26 UTC
Unfortunately, our generation will just pass the previous generation’s fuckups to the next generation | what a bastard
“As long as I can simply shove the costs to you (the younger working person), the incentive is to take all I can get – that is, if I don’t care how little government provides for the needs of my children, my grandchildren, and their world.”
Quick trivia hit: Eugene Steuerle of the Urban Institute was talking about... global warming or health care?
view the item » | 0 comments | SUN 19 AUG 2007 – 18:36:03 UTC
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